ah just realised I missed something out of my messed up day ! i thought it was a good idea to be savvy and save some cash by doing my own nails for a night out on Sat so I painstakingly sit there gluely diamantes to false tips and knock a full bottle of industrial strength glue all over me! my hands are covered and omfg my leg is burning so I'm standing in the living room window pulling my trousers down in a mad rush to stop the burning , my arse is not a pretty site for anyone let alone a double decker bus thats is at astandstill right outside the window!

A day in the life of a 30 something, overweight, uni student with a tendency to ramble.

So today has been a bona fide nightmare! I love my kids most days I really do, however today is not one of them! Quite frankly I could happily throttle the younger two. 3 am is not an acceptable time to get up and even 4am is pushing it, having been up till one am writing a rather boring essay on Divas, I welcomed my lovely warm clean sheets like a child welcomes Santa. you will understand my frustration then when at 3 am I hear my 3yo yelling at the top of his voice "I aint tired!" , "I aint tired" "I ainnnnnnnntttttttt tired!" Up I get, looking like  the living dead and call him into my bed , praying he will sleep a few more hours at least. He slots in between us and continues to shout at us "he aint tired" repeatedly, add to that a grumpy hubby who thought he might get some morning loving, until the very moment I allowed the devil incarnate into our room and it is not a good start to the day .
Now hubby has to leave at 4.30 am , so he got up with said devil, and I got up just as he went out of the door, cold miserable and knackered . Daddy had forgotten to give Satan his juice so , me being the best mommy ever I make it for him, cue a full blown 10-15 minute meltdown, because he wanted daddy to come back and do his juice for him! In the mean time he woke next doors baby up, and they interrupted my breakdown by banging on the wall (to which I replied by banging back harder, and telling them to fuck off, they don't say that when they are arguing until all hours)
I retired to the drawing room shortly after as I was ready to explode, that's a joke by the way, the closest I've got to a drawing room are the crayon scribbles on the wall. Demon child is still insisting on testing my patience, until I get his older sisters up for school.
School duties are like a regimented programme in our house, my 9yo is a little scruff and will go out in the same knickers as the day before and without a wash if I were to allow it, and yes she is female! She also hates getting up and is like a bear with a sore arse every morning, so after insisting her brother kept her up ALLLL night (she gos to bed at 7.30pm) she finally gets up , washed and dressed after being sent to brush her teeth three times. Middle daughter is a little angel as long as she is fed so I shove toast and coco pops in front of her and leave to do lunch boxes, its now 8.15 and time to leave the house. After various moans and trips back to get things we have forgotten we eventually get to the school, and everything is fine until my 3 yo decides to kick my middle girl for daring to walk in front of him. I'm a hard mommy and I really don't care who hears me chastising my kids (I have actually took eldest girl to school in her pjs , because she wont get up before now) so erm yes a few harsh words were said.
We came home after about 45 minutes (5 min journey) and the lock in the front door had seized! luckily I have a back door key, so not to worry I think we will go around the alley way and through the back . What I did not bank on was the alleyway being an absolute jungle of stingers, so imagine an overweight, four eyed short arse with a 3 yo stuck down her coat to protect him, waddling through an alley way, and you start to get the picture.
By now I'm seething with rage, I'm angry at my dick of a hubby for allowing the lock to seize and I'm angry at next doors dog because I've just trod in his shit and my lovely glittery carpet stinks of dog crap. I'm even angry at myself for spawning a 3yo he-devil . I'm ranting away to a cpl of friends on the internet (I don't really do real friends, bar one or two as I don't really like many people, if I'm honest) when the little shit decides to rip my 35 quid a roll wall paper !!!!!!!
Eventually I settle down to study (after watching despicable me 2 of course) and the day passes quickly. I admin a cpl of Facebook groups, so after dealing with issues on there yet again, I begrudgingly fetch the kids from school. I feed the little blighter's cucumber sandwiches (Joking! I live in an ex council house on a dog shit estate, not Buckingham Palace!) no we have chicken and veg pasta bake, and then I decide its time for a bit more housework. Demon child decides I'm being rather inconsiderate disturbing his Jake and the never land pirates programme so precedes to punch me in the back. After practically shoving the little shit in bed I come down stairs and ring the hubby to make sure he brings me back copious amounts of chocolate and coffee, which have now ruined my diet and I feel like a big fat bloater, that the world really shouldn't have to clap eyes on. Other than that I'm absolutely hunky bastard dory
ah just realised I missed something out of my messed up day ! i thought it was a good idea to be savvy and save some cash by doing my own nails for a night out on Sat so I painstakingly sit there gluely diamantes to false tips and knock a full bottle of industrial strength glue all over me! my hands are covered and omfg my leg is burning so I'm standing in the living room window pulling my trousers down in a mad rush to stop the burning , my arse is not a pretty site for anyone let alone a double decker bus thats is at astandstill right outside the window!